Getting re-married after a divorce is quite possibly the last thing on most people's minds and it certainly was the last idea I would've ever had. I found the idea absolutely unnecessary and saw no reason to have to do that, if you were happy together, that was plenty enough. Especially with strange relationships and the experience of a rude and rocky dating world. But I didn't hate the dating world, I did have a lot of fun and made many new friends and got TONS of free dinners, so why not. And trust me, I have plenty of stories to tell. But I was sure, and had confirmed through many conversations with other divorcees, that you never quite "love" the same way again. It was a sad thought but one I was living with and logically it made sense. That feeling of the other person being wholly a part of you, was ripped out, but I knew I could still be happy, just different.
Out of sheer luck or all the stars aligning correctly and I believe God's hand, I meet David. That chance meeting is a whole other blog. Man did we come from 2 totally different backgrounds. And our spiritual beliefs were also very different. But he treated me in a way that I had never been treated before, he respected me and celebrated my independence and drive for a successful and adventure full life. He had stated how in the last couple of years he had really come out of his shell and started to experience all the things the world had to offer. I was a bit surprised by that as I had always lived that way. But I understood why. The best part, he thought my experiences and future plans were exciting and wanted to join me. He didn't judge me for any part of my past or how I handled myself or how I preferred to do things in my present. And as a man who worked hard, did what he could to take care of his kids and made sure I felt secure, I respected the heck out of this man. He not only handled his own life with responsibility and obligation but did so with a smile and determination to be a good influence.
I didn't know how we would get along being so opposite and yet so much alike. Neither of us wanted to re-marry, we didn't see the point. No more children, ok, agreed and we shook hands. He really liked that I didn't have kids and was pretty sure he could not date long term someone with kids. I said I find that hypocritical when you have children and I always thought I could not put that on my list of needs because at our age, it would REALLY limit the dating pool if kids were a deal breaker. He agreed with me on that but it didn't really matter, I had no children and I didn't mind that he did. Even better his youngest was 13 so no babies involved.
I can't say that we never fight, we do, but mostly it seems like arguing, sometimes that's something he is really good at and does so just for the sake of arguing. But it's pretty great because I can say you have gotten on my last nerve today and I need you to go outside and do something not around me. Usually he chuckles and does exactly that. Later I can say when this happened, I felt this way and didn't appreciate that because blah blah blah and he LISTENS! As long as I deliver the message that does not feel like I'm attacking him, he will take what I have to say in consideration. Now I've made the mistake of saying you this and you that and you just don't care, THAT my friends is the WRONG way to deliver the message to a strong headed male. He bulls up and fights back. Well heck, I don't want that kind of a fight and in all honesty, I think we've had 2? Maybe 3? And if I know what I want and how to get it, doing that is not it. So I come in gentle but firm and with more logic than emotion and it works EVERY. TIME. And it makes for such a happy and peaceful household.
Then one day he decided, this woman has to be mine, I can't take the chance that it would ever be easy for her to walk away. And I said yes, because I had found that love again and you know what, it was greater and deeper and more meaningful than I'd ever had. It was a foundation built on respect, something we both knew was important but didn't understand because we never really had it previously.
But our differences have been compliments of each other and we are good at balancing each other out. That is ONLY because we both respect each other's right to have a separate belief and NOT have one forced upon the other. For instance, David does not agree with taking any medication, not even for a headache. Ok great, but don't expect me to be the same. I'm over here like what do you have that will make me feel better? Ok, extra strength headache killer? I'll take 2! And we have a few different ideas on raising our daughter too, I'm sorry, but no one is going to believe the exact same there 100% all the time. So guess what we do? We talk it out. I feel Lillie's behavior is that of every 2 year old in how she reacts to not getting her way and I would like to take this approach to handling it first, firm but not hurtful. When I explain why he completely listens and respects my view point. So is it ok if we try this first, such as explain to her first why her behavior isn't appropriate and that she needs to stop and if she continues consequence is time out or standing in the corner? What harm is there trying that first versus going straight to spanking? He says you're right, if she listens and follows what we say, there wasn't a need to hit her, I didn't think of it that way. And 9 times out of 10 she doesn't want the consequence and will shape up. The remaining times the standing in the corner has done the trick. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times a smack on the diaper has had to happen. We both have said we need to remain flexible because what works today, may not work next week. To which case, we will reconvene. I mean how can you not love that togetherness approach?
But here we are almost 6 years later. Both of us in our first marriages were deep in get me the heck out of here by this time frame. Call it being too young, call it being dumb, call it not knowing how to take care of ourselves yet alone another person or as a family. Call it all of those things but it was a real struggle. And I worried, sure, the thought crossed my mind that I could get married to him and 5 or 6 years down the road be going oh dear Lord why on earth did I do this again?! But it felt more right than anything I'd ever known and I wasn't about to live my present based on problems from my past. Six years together this October, the man still gives me butterflies. I got a text from him on his lunch break today that said this: I could not have found anyone more perfect if I had been searching this whole time we've been together. I'm really lucky the last 5 years we've been together I wasn't wasting my time trying to find someone I could live with. My eyes welled up and my heart beat faster. If he asked me to marry him again, I'd say yes a million times over.
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