Tales of a Pregnant Business Traveler

Unfortunately, this probably won't be a feel good post, lol, I'm going to complain, imagine that! First of all, anyone that says it would be fun to travel for work has not had to travel for work. But that's not even a big deal as now I travel about twice a year and I used to travel at least twice a month. Now when I travel for work I tend to look forward to it, until after the second night in a hotel bed. Having to pee in the middle of the night several times when you're preggo and not at home isn't fun either, all disoriented and running into the desk in the room. You only do that once though. Then do you recall the rental car? Right, a silver Nissan something or other. Out in the parking lot are at least 6 of them. Crap. Ok, check the keys for the license plate. Oh yes, mine is the one with bumper damage from Virginia, crap crap. Crappy dented rental car that I didn't notice when I picked it up! Good thing I've been to Hartford numerous times, know my way around and the fall weather has moved in here. On 5th day, time to get up early and go home! The responsibilities I was looking forward to leaving behind seem a bit more welcoming when you've slept alone for 4 nights. It's raining and the weatherman is calling it a washout. They've had 1/2 inch of rain. Please let my pilots be from Houston where a washout is at least 6"...an hour. At rental car return there's several lanes. One lane has a green light above it, the rest are red. Pretty straight forward if you ask me. As I pull in, attendant lady is running at me, waving both hands high into the air and waving me over to next aisle as if I've made a rookie mistake. Fine. Fix your damn red light/green lights then. Hmm, I realize I might not be in the best of moods. Looking forward to getting breakfast and finally home for a nap. As I head to bag drop and check in, a note pops up on computer kiosk. Your flight is over sold. Would you be willing to take a later flight for a $150 travel voucher? Ugh. But, that will help toward next year's Cabo trip. Will I still be able to make the 12:30 connecting flight? No, we'd have to move you to the departing flight out of Dulles at 5:30pm. Yeah no, I'm not spending 5+ hours in DC airport. Ok then, your flight is scheduled to depart at 10:30, it's 8:30, but our 5:50am flight is still here and departing at 9:15. I can put you on that one. Sweet, for $150 travel voucher? No, not for taking an earlier flight. But I can get you a whole row to yourself. Ok, fine, so much for breakfast. Security line. Hmpf. My issue with the security line is very rarely with the personnel but more the inexperienced traveler. I recall at Burbank airport they had a line specifically labeled for the experienced business traveler. SMART! They all need this line. I get behind some guy who has unloaded his entire backpack putting one item each into its own individual bin. After they all go through the scanner he stands there fiddling with his headphones and iPod and meanwhile his 8 bins lined up on the conveyer belt are preventing my bins from descending. HELLO, McFly, you're not the only damn person here. Don't you know my shoes are just out of reaching distance and I hate standing here w/out them on where thousands of others have stood here without shoes? As he continues to get his earbuds in and pick a suitable song, I start stacking his bins for him. Afterall, I'm on an earlier flight. He looks over at me and I politely point out there are tables off to the side to get yourself and stuff together. Hey, it was POLITE, I didn't say a single curse word. The experienced traveler line at Burbank started my brain down the path of just how many different airports I've been to. Burbank, Portland, Reno, Vegas, Phoenix, Houston, Hobby, San Antonio, Springfield, Oklahoma City, St. Louis, Kansas City, Salt Lake City, O'hare, Midway, Des Moines, Davenport, Denver, Orlando, Raleigh, Cleveland, Dulles, Bradley, Newark, Laguardia, Baltimore, Boston, Mexico City, Cabo, Grand Cayman, Cayman Brac, Honolulu, Lanei and Puerto Rico. Some day I'll be sure to add Europe to that list! Ok, back to my whining about travelers. At the gate they board by groups. I'm group 4. I don't stand up until they have already called group 3. But standing in the way of the ticket taker aisle are people in groups 6 and 7. Seriously? Move! People are so INCONSIDERATE it's unreal. As I make my way down to the plane we are of course backed up. Why? More inconsiderate people. In case you've never noticed, there's usually a line of people behind you waiting to take their seat. Now is not the time to dig through your bag while standing in the aisle, now is not the time to tuck in your shirt or adjust your belt. The flight is completely full, you men will not have your own overhead space for your suit jacket and ladies for your purses. Now is not the time to look for space, SIT DOWN, get out of the aisle! 2 rows in front of me a couple sits with a very young baby. 3 months maybe. Baby does scream some off and on but luckily not too much. But the worse offense of a traveler has got to be the one with unchecked body odor. There are those that seriously leave a trail of stench like Pepe Le Pew. There have been days that I may have forgotten to put on deodarant but never a shower with soap! Every convenient store, gift shop and pharmacy carries travel deodarant or smell goods. Your body odor is not pleasant, to ANYONE. Can you seriously not smell yourself?! Now that I've made it home safely, and without injuring any fellow travelers, first on my list? A shower, just in case any of their stank has attached itself to me. Plus after a long day of travel, a shower is just so refreshing. Second, this Momma needs a nap!