Not I

I wrote this blog back in May or so and forgot to publish it.

After we got home Tuesday, I think we were both relieved and excited and decided to announce our news on FB. Wednesday came and went with nothing more than the usual nauseousness and cramping. Thursday we go out to Texas Roadhouse with some friends for dinner. I have 2 of their super yummy rolls, a side salad and order the grilled shrimp skewers. When they deliver the food it looks delish. When the waiter slides my plate under me I catch a whiff of the shrimp and almost lose everything I've already eaten. I quickly have David put my shrimp at the end of the table and just eat my green beans and dirty rice that came with it. I'm beyond frustrated because it looked really good and everyone else had some and said it tasted as good as it looked. Oh well. I still haven't been back to the gym since Monday but am leary anyway since I'm not supposed to get the heart rate over 140. Note to self, get something that measures heart rate. However, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. For those that know me well, know that I like to be on the go. And that feeling like I won't be well if I leave the house is sucking the life out of me. The good news however is that I am feeling better. I'm learning how to control the nausea by just eating small snacks all day, nutrigrain bar, 1/2 a PB&J, crackers & peanut butter, etc. The cramping is mostly tolerated with just tylenol. But the thing that is keeping me happy the most is my amazing husband. He knows when I'm not feeling well, can see it in my face & mannerisms and he just steps up to the plate every time. I normally love to cook dinner at night for my family, but I think in the last month I've only cooked twice. Mostly David and Taylor are taking care of things and I'm forever thankful! He genuinely cares about my well being and that gives me whatever strength I need especially when I'm only feeling like 10% of my normal self. My sister made pregnancy look easy! She had a few food aversions but that was about it. My friend Amy loved being pregnant! Not I, so far I can't say that I do. Now I'm excited that I am, what a miracle, but haven't had enough good days yet. I keep getting told, you should enjoy your pregnancy, relax. TRUST ME, I definitely WANT to and hope to get there soon!

One moment at a time

The week after Mothers Day goes by as slow as molasses going uphill in January. Each day I pray for no pain episodes. I have mostly back and pelvic cramping to keep me company. I do have a few more episodes but they seem to be diminishing in frequency and severity. The source of the pain has definitely shifted lower and I'm sure the stone is almost out. The weekend comes and I'm feeling better. Lots of cramping but that I can put up with, somewhat. I go to a baby shower Saturday morning and held a purse party at my house that afternoon. Mom and Dad come over for dinner and we keep my niece and nephew for several hours while my sis and her husband go to the movies. All in all it was a great day but I'm scared for that night, afraid I over did it. I think I only woke up a few times due to cramping. Sunday David and I go to breakfast and then to Humble. After he mows his parents yard we go to a friends house and lounge in the pool. It was EXACTLY what my achy body needed!  I actually for the first time since I can remember, slept through the night.  Monday, May 21st, I did well.  I had some cramping but 2 tylenol later and I was fine.  So I decided to go to the gym.  Still don't know if that was the right decision or not, but I like to workout.  No, I LOVE to workout.  It keeps me sane, I literally breathe better, I'm healthier, I get sick a lot less often and it's the best stress relief I've known.  I get in a "good" workout but it's nowhere near the standards of what I'm used to.  For one, I've been away from the gym for a few weeks.  Two, my trainer and gym buddy, God love them, treated me like I was broken.  But with the heat and the punching bag exercises, I worked up a good sweat and felt good about it.  They made me promise to discuss my exercising with my Dr. on Tuesdays appointment, fearing that I was wanting to do way more than I should.  Ok, ok, I promised.

 David gets off work early and picks me up and it's off to the ob we go.  Another ultrasound shows the sac is huge compared to my little peanut!  But that's normal and a good sign.  Next she turns on the sound and there it is, my little peanut's heartbeat, beating at 138 bpm.  Perfect.  My first official ob visit (not just because I kept ending up in the hospital in pain).  So because I haven't had a cycle since New Year's (female issues) they don't have anything to go off of to give me a due date other than measurements, which at this stage isn't too accurate.  So by measuring the length of the baby they push my due date back from Jan. 6 to Jan 12.  Apparently I let out an ugh sound, cause the Dr. looks at me and says I know, this has been a looooong pregnancy already hasn't it?!  Yes I said, at 8 weeks in, I'm ready!  She prints off a couple of the ultrasound pictures for me, which are not near as clear as what we saw on screen.  We could actually make out the head and heart on the screen, no such luck on the printed pic.  Then off to the lab I'm sent.  The lady drawing blood starts pulling out vials to fill and she gets 8 of them.  OMG I declare, I think that's enough, to which she just laughs and says I know right?!  Leave some for the baby I tell her!  Next is a talk with the head nurse about family medical history and pregnancy Do's and Don'ts and 2 large bags of goodies filled with magazines, books, plenty of reading material, a journal and lots and lots of vitamins.  I'm told normally they tell pregnant moms to take an additional 1200mg of calcium, to support the baby growing, but not me.  With my kidney stone issue, they want me to get my extra calcium from food (80% of kidney stones are made of calcium).  Good, I like milk!  But then comes the kick in the pants.  I need to limit my exercising.  No kickboxing.  Boxing fine, walking fine, water aerobics recommended.  Do NOT get overheated and do NOT let your heartbeat get over 140.  WHAT?  Do you know in a good class I can get my heartrate up to 180 pretty easily?  Anything over 140 starts to deplete oxygen from your baby so it can supply it to you.  Especially since you have a higher blood volume right now and work harder to get it all through your circulatory system.  Fine, this makes sense but I'm not happy about it!

The Weekend of Unknown

Friday May 4th I still have a few episodes of pain but Saturday I only have one. Sunday and Monday I'm sore and achy but no extreme episodes. I'm apprehensive to say it's over but hopeful. David picks me up and we head to my ob/gyn. Im nervous as to what they'll find. Ultrasound shows a pregnancy in the uterus! But we still can't pinpoint exactly what caused the pain. By measuring the gestational sac, estimated due date is Jan 6th. We schedule a follow up appt for the next Tuesday. She wants to check sac progression. I ask what do I do if the pain comes back? She says if our office is open call us, if after hours go back to ER. I make it through the week with episodes but they seem minor in comparison as they only last 5 to 10 minutes at most. Friday and Saturday I feel cramp like pain most of the day. Sunday morning for mothers day we head to church with David's parents and I'm just feeling sickly. About 10 minutes into the service a terrible episode hits and I excuse myself to the lobby. I sit in a chair and just cry. Why is this happening?! David comes out to check on me and he comments how I've broken out in a sweat. Right away he helps me to the car and we go home. Only one hour after the first episode ends does another one start. Take me back to the hospital I beg so we are on our way. I check in and the lobby is packed. Oh boy. I grimace through the rest of the episode giving the evil eye to the parents that are letting their 3 kids run around screaming like a banshee. About an hour or so in the pain is gone, David is asleep in the chair next to me and more people are coming in. I go to the front desk and ask if they can give me an estimate of how long til they see me. Obviously I've been triaged very low as he says SEVERAL more hours because they have a lot of really sick people right now. Ok I tell him, since my pain comes in waves I'm feeling ok now and would like to go home. Hell if I have to tough it out, I'd rather do it at home. First thing Monday morning I call my doc and tell her what's going on. I get an appt around noon and have another episode at 11. Thus I can't drive myself so my Mom offers to take me. Another urine culture shows blood but no infection. Another sign of kidney stone. But another ultrasound shows baby is doing great, everything has doubled or tripled in size in a week. Dr. gives me stronger pain meds and says she will be consulting with a urologist on my case. She also gives me her cell and says if you have to go back to ER, call me. We will bypass the waiting room and the urologist and I will come down and do surgery. SURGERY? While I'm pregnant? Yes she says, it's alot safer than a CT scan. But the safest yet is for you to pass this on your own. We cancel the one week follow up I was supposed to have on Thursday and schedule for another week on May 22nd, to measure the heartbeat.

ER part 2

David shows up and immediately I start crying again. I'm overwhelmed, shocked, disoriented and explain that if it's ectopic they will terminate the pregnancy immediately. He tries to console me but I really don't know what I need. On one hand we weren't going to have any kids. After Taylor graduates we were going to have our freedom and travel and enjoy the money we were making together. On the other hand for 20 years I'd had trouble with endometriosis, ovarian cysts, misshaped uterus and for all the years I HAD tried to get pregnant had been told and accepted that I would not conceive on my own. Well here I am, while on birth control mind you and now there's a chance we'd have to terminate?! How cruel! David and I get called back for the ultrasounds. I'm so early in the pregnancy that they can't really see anything. Nothing in the Fallopian tubes either. If it was ectopic it would be too early to start causing pain. So we are back to the kidney stone theory. But the only way to know for sure is a CT Scan. But, that's a no no when pregnant. So I get prescribed an antibiotic, Vicodin and told to drink LOTS of fluids and my Ob/gyn wants to see me on Monday.

Trip to ER & SURPRISE!

Wednesday evening, May 2nd, another episode. Wednesday night again. I ask David to take me to the ER but I can't even move to get in the car let alone out of bed. Obviously I know it passes so I need to tough it out. The pain passes and David asks if I need help getting to the car. I can't see going to the ER when the pain is gone and other than absolute exhaustion I feel fine. I decide to wait and just call the doc when they open Thursday morning. At 7 David leaves for work, says call me if you need me or if you need me to come home and take you to the doctor. At 7:30 another episode is hitting and my sister calls. She is on her way to take my niece to sign up for Kindergarten. She insists she swing by and take me to the hospital. She said at the very least so they can give me something to make the pain stop. Well that convinced me. On our way there I called David to let him know. He said he'd head up there shortly. My sister let my parents know she was taking me to the ER. I had her drop me off and only to my protest would she leave me as I did NOT want them missing Elisha's big day. Besides David was on his way and Mom decided to come too. Plus who knew how long I'd have to sit in the waiting room. But they took my vitals, told them my pain was an 8 and my blood pressure was sky high (from the pain of course). That prompted them to take me immediately. I saw 3 nurses, explaining to each my symptoms all while rocking back and forth on the hospital bed with tears. The Dr. came in, felt around, I was definitely way more tender on my left side. She ordered an iv with a shot of pain meds and zofran for the nausea. First thoughts were ruptured cyst or kidney stone. After about 5 minutes I was feeling gooooood and so thankful! They had me go pee in a cup and took some blood. Then said have a seat in the waiting room while we have the labs run. At that time my Mom showed up. But no sooner did I start filling Mom in, the nurse comes out and says the doc needs to discuss something with me. I thought that was an odd statement but ok. I walked back into the room and have a seat. Dr. H says honey we can't run a CT scan or give you anymore pain medicine because you're pregnant. Oh no I'm not I argued. I JUST saw my ob/gyn last week and talked to them yesterday, test was negative. She said well that was last week, this week test is positive. You have a terrible bladder infection and we are now concerned about an ectopic pregnancy. Just freaking great. She said we've made a call to your Dr. and will do some ultrasounds soon. I'll call you back when we're ready. I leave the room in tears and texting David to hurry up.

Unbelievable Pain

Monday, April 30th started off as a regular day for me and at the end of the day I hit the gym, got in a good boxing workout and headed home. I scheduled a workout with a friend for 6am Tuesday morning so I wanted to get home, shower, eat dinner and get to bed as soon as possible. But after my shower my back really started aching. I took a few Advil and went to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up in excruciating pain. My very low back was twisted up in knots and my pelvic region felt like someone had reached inside and was ripping out my insides. I was doubled over, hardly able to breathe and wailing in pain. It lasted what seemed like an eternity but was probably more like 10 to 15 minutes. I faintly remember David waking up and asking me if I was ok. Once the pain stopped I thought OMG WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! I texted my friend and said no way could I workout I had done something to my back. Tuesday morning came and I was feeling better. I started working and mid morning, wham, another episode. I laid on my massage chair and started doing deep breathing techniques, but nothing helped. I moved to the couch hunched over and rocking back and forth again taking deep long breaths. Once the pain subsided I looked at the clock. I could've swore 15 minutes had passed. At this point my whole body is sore. Obviously no gym again that night, decided to take it easy. In the middle of the night another episode hits, this one lasting about 25 minutes. The whole time I'm hunched over the porcelain fixture in the bathroom heaving, which I know is from the pain. I start digging through every medicine cabinet, closet or drawer I can find trying desperately to locate ANYTHING stronger than Advil. I found a bottle with 3 Darvocet so I pop one of those and also found an ambien and take that. It does nothing. I'm doubled over on the floor if not pacing back and forth just trying to breathe. My poor husband is lost. He asks if there's anything I want or need or what can he do. All I can muster in response is please put me out of my misery. Wednesday morning rolls around and I've had all of 2 hours of sleep. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I sit at my computer, get on a conference call and try to patiently wait til 9am when my Ob/gyns office opens. You see, I've had a host of female problems and had just seen them the previous week as something felt off and I wanted them to run some hormone tests, etc. I had been on new birth control pills since January and hadn't had a cycle since. At this point I was convinced I had an ovarian cyst rupture. I leave a message and the PA calls back at lunch. She said your tests look pretty good, pregnancy test was negative, but the new pills I started you on on Sunday are probably trying to make you have a cycle. Or you could've grown a cyst but the new pills should help with that too. She said since they close at noon on Wednesdays to call back Thursday morning if I was still cramping and they'd see me right away. Cramping?? She obviously had no clue that I was describing WAY more than that! Ok I thought, I'll call them back in the morning and get an appointment. If only I made it that far...